i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
