And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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