Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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