She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
