AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
