ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
