What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
