she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
