this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
whose parrot is this?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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