remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize