I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
