I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
