I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
