Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
