dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
