I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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