I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dicks are not precious.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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