i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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