I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
