wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
