when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
