That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
