No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
