just tell him i said nine months
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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