i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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