Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
