so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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