It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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