Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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