Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize