Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
