Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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