In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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