lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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