btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize