I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
