As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
