I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
