Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
