i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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