he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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