I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
