some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
