GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
