I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
