we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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