Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
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btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
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The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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