Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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