Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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