I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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