he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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