You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
