You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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