I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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