If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
