wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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