I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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