I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
