just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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