Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
