chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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