I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
