Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
