East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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