I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
