oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im having a threesome with these popsicles
someone owes me an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize