ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
