i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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