Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
