From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
