she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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