I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
