Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
