i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
