So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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