I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
