I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
