the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
