I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
