i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
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I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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