mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm at about main and main street
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
