what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
