i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
