scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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